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50 is hereThanking the Most High for life sound mind strength purpose peace joy! … on this day 50 deep inhales 50 deep exhales with intention no rush reflect release life is in the exchange of inhale to exhale … i read that anything that stays on automatic pilot will eventually crash … days years moments joy pain freedom in the exchange of the inhale to exhale … i saw mom daddy siblings hubby sons kairi family friends ancestors my tribe my village my tapestry in the exchange of the inhale to exhale … then i felt a smile heyyyyyyy 50 50 is here thank you and welcome … #50who #50where #50ishere

It was a Monday and 89°. I was ready for the world. Was it ready for me? My parents and five siblings were waiting for my arrival. In the house, would I even up the scales make it 4-4 (female-male) or would I tip the scales? It’s a girl! My sister, Cheryl, had her wish come true. I arrived at a time when the country was changing, but more importantly, the life of my family was changing… for the better. My brother Steve says, “You were our miracle.” I hear it and I feel it. I’ve internalized the weight of it. mir·a·cle /ˈmirək(ə)l/ a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences

You can know someone for years, even decades, and still not KNOW who they are. Only sharing what is perceived as “acceptable” experiences and stories is so confining. Some times it’s about trust; other times it’s about shame. Then there are times when they are “in the process” (or not) and other times when it’s just not your business. When their guard is up, move on to a safe area. Safety should exist in relationships. For the most part, I am an open book! Some chapters more lengthy than others; some chapters more accessible than others. I believe that my experiences can help someone to keep keeping on. My truth is my truth! Each person has their own road to travel and you will never know all of the markings along their journey. It is what it is. Let it be!

What will they say about me when I’m gone? Since my mother’s death/passing/transition six months ago, I’ve either received a call/text/email or read a Facebook post at least 18 times of the death of a family member, friend, colleague, family member of a friend, friend of a friend, and so on. 2018 has been rough… it’s only June! At the two services for my Mom, I learned some new things about her through family and friends. Laughed and shed tears at times; was wide-eyed about some things too. She had a full and fulfilled life. I’ve been very reflective of a life well lived, especially with my birthday approaching in 30 days. It’s led to some questions, answers, and actions. Am I fulfilling my purpose and legacy? Am I making a difference? Am I having an impact in the lives of other? Am I encouraging and supporting others to fulfill, make a difference, and have an impact? Am I telling family, friends, colleagues, and others NOW the memories and words that I would say or think when they’re gone? After the loss of my Mom, it would have been easy to just crawl in bed, place the covers over my head, and reside in an “unbothered” state. Trust, I’ve done all of the above. Recalling the space I was in for quite some time after my Daddy died, I know that appearing strong at all times is inauthentic and whack! Often reminding myself of the beauty of the conjunction “and”. I can grieve AND live! As I said, it’s been a challenging year. More than ever before, I’ve been intentionally engaging with family and friends face-to-face and through phone calls. Save the texts for arranging the meet-up, please and thank you! When I receive a birthday, dinner, or let’s catch up over drinks invite AND it brings me joy… YES, I’m there! Chill and do nothing… oh YES, I’ll do that too! I don’t know the balance of my days on this earth and whatever will be said when I’m gone… will be said. Right now, I’m present AND in the moment. I’m loving life to the fullest AND loving my peeps.

“If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother.” ~ Booker T. Washington “To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power… or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow.” ~ Maya Angelou 1. able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. 2. able to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed. There should be a picture of my Mom next to the word ‘resilient’ in the dictionary. I have seen her resilient spirit throughout my life, even more this year. I’ve never been more proud of her and the resolute, unwavering faith that she’s always demonstrated no matter what life presented to her. Yep, I get it from my mama! Being child #6 aka ‘The Finale’ and very much a surprise for her age (back in the day); there is no question that she would need resiliency for this strong-willed child she birthed. There is so much that I can say about my Mom; I’m sure my siblings would co-sign everything. Her words always deliberate and intentional… I called it “Operation Shock & Awe!” If she said it, she meant it. Trust, she didn’t waste her words or time on trivial matters or people. ‘Straight, no chaser with love’ is the descriptor I often used. Yep, I get it from my mama! Her work ethic and integrity on doing your best at whatever you put your hand to the plow was the expectation. Productivity over busyness and idleness was the expectation. Yep, I get it from my mama! Love of family, small circle of friends, wisdom, sharp wit and comedy that will have you doubled over… yep, I get it from my mama! I AM my mother’s daughter! On yesterday morning, I spoke love/gratitude/hope to my mother for the incredible gift of life she gave me. The resilience, persistence, principles, purpose, and standards that is in my DNA… yep, I get it from my mama (and daddy). I needed her to know and hear my forever gratitude. I am ever so grateful for that present moment and gift of time. My mother transitioned from this earthly life into eternity on yesterday. We will continue to honor her legacy and celebrate her life. With honor, love, and respect I shout, “WELL DONE MOMMA, WELL DONE!” 12/9/31 – 12/19/17

4th quarter in five days! I’ve kinda did a little of this and a little of that. Moved forward… then backwards… then on pause… then on to the next! I definitely accomplished a few goals this year, however I got to wring out everything great for this year… leave it bone dry! My one word for 2017 is DELIBERATE. I’m planning some absolutes in this 4th quarter… no more KINDA!

Life is like a camera. Just focus on what’s important. Capture the good times. Develop from the negatives and if things don’t turn out – just take another shot.

I remember from the age of 3 (my siblings will tell you that I didn’t miss a thing or forget it nor failed to repeat it verbatim, oh well!), I can recall my Dad saying, “If you want something done and you want it done right… DO IT YOURSELF!” Whenever I would mention my frustration with group projects (hated it!), mediocre work-product from colleagues (uggghh, just %$#*@&$ uggghh!), or planning events with more than three (too many chefs!), Daddy would say… “I told you that if you want something done and you want it done right…” With the thought of an eye-roll, I would respond “DO IT YOURSELF! You’re right, Daddy! I cannot do it all by myself. I wanted to give them an opportunity to prove me wrong.” I believe my Dad’s pre-Dr. Phil’s comeback was, “How’s that working for you?” The lesson from my father: • If you want something done … act/commit! • You want it done right … prepare with Plan B to Z ready for the “what-if’s” and “if/then’s”! • Do it yourself … control the expected outcomes! I’ve heard myself repeating this saying more and more over the last two months. At times the greatest lesson from my Dad has resulted in one of my greatest struggles… sleep, gelato and drinking half of my body weight in water are the other struggles; in that order! It’s a given that whatever I would want to do in life, I want it done right. The struggle is that right doesn’t mean perfection. Perfection controls others! Perfection kills creativity… productivity… success… joy! Whewww! I cannot tell you how much time I will invest in planning and researching the next move I need to make and then… more planning and researching because it needs to be perfect! Done right or not at all… no mediocre up in here! Yet, I know that I’m imperfect (write this date down for that confession). “DO IT YOURSELF!” I’m in a world with 7+ billion people; I don’t need to do it myself! Investing time, but what’s the return on investment… help me, somebody! As I’m writing this and looking around my office, there is not one thing that I can touch including my physical being that was made to completion by one person. It’s important to collaborate (you cannot do it alone), seek and pay for expertise (time is money), and be clear on the expectations (let folks use their skills and creativity to exceed the expectations… no mediocre!). That’s my remix! As a Daddy’s girl, I wanted to do everything that would bring a smile to my father’s face and I still want to honor him and his legacy. My father was calm, cool, and collected… until he wasn’t. I am my father’s daughter with those same attributes… yes, I will turn it out if necessary (so don’t let the necessary occur). Now when I think back on the times when we had these “do it yourself!” conversations because of the disappointments of the outcomes we both experienced, I would be ready to write-off folks and yet he was gracious to restore whomever with guidance another opportunity to get it right! Perhaps on this 8th anniversary of his transition from this life, the lesson for me is to be gracious… restorative… patient! I miss him! Ahhhh, I’m still learning from him! LOVE you Daddy… thanks for the lessons, the memories, and just being you!